A Small Chapter of Love
He is now established, it is rather better say that he is on the path of being succeed, in life. He is a man of firm character, with strong personality; the most audacious thing in him is his unquestionable honesty. He is Moon, the nick name. He is really the moon of his family. Some months before, he was a student of Undergrad, now doing job in a Multinational Bank. A dream watcher, not only that in his heart he holds the dream of the life, a successful life. He is never doubtful to any thing related life. He sees the future, he demands. He is an exquisite boy, to some one he is a great son, to some one he is a responsible and lovable brother, to some one he is a helpful friend, to some one he is ……the dream. Dream of a girl’s entire life. What kind of Dream? It was a distracted dream, of Moon. It is Desha, the most daring dream Moon ever catches, in his subconscious mind. Moon is in a pilgrimage ……
He does not know which way to go. His friends had already made up their plans….They would set sail like Vasco Da Gama, business in mind. Moon did not join them, instead he would go and search like Ulysses for the unknown and the unseen! Moon could feel the Bedouin blood in his veins, urging him to move. As is the nature of his kinsman, he kept on wandering and one afternoon arrived at a market place. The hustle and bustle of the busy place did not quite suit his nature. But he would love to hear Socrates from a distance, imparting practical wisdom to his devoted disciples. Moon walked on, he could see his feet leaving imprints behind, on the sandy land of mighty king Ozymandias, and he could see the colossal statue of the emperor standing tall on the desert. But he did not despair. The scorching heat of the desert sun could not put him off. He stumbled on the treacherous terrain, his feet sank into the quicksand, His legs ached, his eyes hurt, his stomach rumbled in hunger—-but he did not stop. An oasis is not very far came to his notice. “Is it also a mirage?” he asked himself. The sight of a shelter brought temporary relief to him. “Travelers must be content” and should not complain. Perhaps he could stay here for some time and rest. The boy approached the oasis but upon reaching there, he changed his mind, not that he did not like the place but for a pilgrim must not stop, he thinks, he demands. The Mediterranean lay before him—-Full, Blue, and Boundless; he could not hold himself to wait for the Prophet’s ship, he spotted a canoe drifting along with the waves, and plunging into the deep he swans towards it. And after countless days of rain and shine he reached the shore……..Days merge into years; years flow into eternity. Moon as he moves along, grows into a man. And still he goes on.
In a course Moon meet her, at first he was just a class mate of her, naturally friendship comes first but moon approached directly to that girl……
Hello, are you Desha?
Yes. Who’s this?
I am …. Kabir. I am doing a course with you. Mkt201.
Can you recognize me; I am the boy …….
Yea, I can?
Actually, I want to tell you something, without any expectation, without demanding any reply. And I believe, I need to say it to you, so I wanna tell you.
I love you……….
Day by day Desha become Moon’s some very special one…..very special one. But She was engaged, socially with some one else. She was in love, Moon was in love but in fact Desha was not in the way of love Moon was she was really in confusion, in Dilemma…….
The dilemma of choosing a person as life partner, she considered many things from the various perspectives, From her Mom’s Side, From her Sister’s side, From her future, From her social barrier, but never considered Moon, or even Moon’s loneliness, the scathe of Moon’s Heart, the importance of her existence in Moon’s heart, mind, body, and soul, in every cell of his Brain……
Moon knew every thing, every single possible fact that can happen in his life without Desha… But life goes on… Human life is just like the weave of the sea it moves and we walks….never stops for some certain moment it can be still but that stillness has its own way of movements …..It walks and it works ….to live, to be alive, to die, and to be in the haven. Desha was committed to her family, and at length she fulfilled it very well, may be she was enough intelligent than Moon, but Moon says his days and nights all are for Desha, he says his days starts with Desha and ends with also Desha……the way to forget her, is simply no-way to Moon.
When Moon is detached with her, his friend circles, all his near and dear ones are also busy with their own life, their own business, and for their own sake. Moon missed all of them may be Desha most but once he started to miss himself. He started to get himself isolated from every thing. His life become a life of hell to his mind, though that boy had a very good, well established family, may be a very good Mom, a very Nice Dad, a lovable Younger brother….and some very important persons in the family who care for Moon, his future, his happiness.
Moon had a friend, may be his best friend ever, may be similar to his brother ….but he was also helpless. That friend spend his time, enjoys Moon’s company, and day by day he come closer to Moon. Moon, paved the way for that friend to become very close to his family, his Mom, his Dad, his Younger Brother. Once that friend started to rely on Moon, started to love him, but he noticed that Moon, is not in the right track, day by day he is going far away, far far away. Moon only shared some of his true feelings with that friend…That friend was mother less, his family bonding was not that much hard, and he used to lead a carefree life, and very much diplomatic, and ambitious. He always thinks that he knows the reality, the need of Money, the want of power, the necessity of high position in the society, the exact meaning of establishment in life and society. Though he could never make Moon understand as to these things. His own philosophy is the most important thing in a man’s life is to be successful, how the success come it really is meaningless. He believed that if anybody says he is hard, perhaps harsh, he does not have love, passion, emotion…he is just a machine, it is good, if any body says he is a person to be hated by family or near and dears then it is very good, and he himself says if anybody is jealous of his success than it is great, the ultimate thing is that he is successful, and always remain the same as a man who is more than successful in life. The friend became hard to Moon as he thinks that for Desha, Moon is …. That friend became unfaithful to Moon, to hurt him to make Moon strong, he wanted Moon to forget Desha and to be normal…… what Moon never understand, he made promises and broke, and at the end he broke the trust to his Mom, to his Friend, and to himself. In spite of that he is trust worthy to some people.
Mean while when Moon got detached from Desha.. How the life can be….everything is there though nothing …seems. Niru come in his life….another love, may be sympathetic, may be one-sided, but pure, may be holly, and may be white…… This time Moon is afraid, he is helpless, and on and on he is loosing himself.
One day Moon introduced his friend with Niru. And the friend also involved with Niru to find out the extent of love, may be the intense of the mysterious mind of the lady, a young lady.
A kind of uneasiness unsettles the friend’s mind. The love of Moon seems to him fake, and the search of the real truth. In the mean time Moon’s addiction is getting more and more intensive, He is going out of control, of everybody. Moon thinks of Desha, the existence of Desha, still eats his heart, mind, and memory; suck his brain’s blood every time. Once that friend asked Moon why you can’t forget Desha……Moon said, I can’t erase the sweet times, the sweetest moments I have passed with her. The love was not exactly Love, it was a kind of attraction, some kind of showing off to the others some kinds of necessity for Desha, but which is really remained unrealized to Moon. On the other hand, Moon says that Desha, is not happy with is Husband, the girl sees Moon in her husband …….But Moon only sees Desha, he has no wife….no girl. No One to say … “You are my Girl.”
Some time Moon says that he has lost his life, A girl can be life, the completeness, the fulfillment of the manly hood of a young man…surprising!
The success path of Moon’s life is in dark to him. The Moon is loosing his shine, the light of life.
Moon thinks his life, feelings of life is sowed in her heart. Desha fulfilled the commitment and Moon has nothing to do with, but Moon can only think as the words of Bon Jovi’s song
You want commitment
Take a look into these eyes
They burn with a fire, just for you now
Until the end of time
I would do anything
I’d beg, I’d steal, I’d die
To have you in these arms tonight
Baby I want you like the roses
Want the rain
You know I need you
Like a poet needs the pain
I would give anything
My blood my love my life
If you were in these arms tonight
I’d hold you
I’d need you
I’d get down on my knees for you
And make everything alright
If you were in these arms
I’d love you
I’d please you
I’d tell you that I’d never leave you
And love you till the end of time
If you were in these arms tonight
Moon is married now, it’s been a month, and he is married. His parents did not have any thing to think, or do without arranging the marriage….Moon’s life has come into some sort of disciplines, the social, personal… and family pressure has made him a new man….He is much more responsible now. His friend is not in the country, he has gone to England, for precious higher degree, or may be to be precious himself….. Many days passed no connections, no conversations… they are now on their own way ….of life. Moon sometimes misses him, perhaps he the friend also… but that feeling of missing one is not enough to get them together again. …..
Whizzing city air is blowing, street dogs are not barking, though it is the usual time in this place. Moon is thinking and driving. All the concrete and cement buildings are standing with a sharp declaration of aristocracy in their figure. They are in the both sides of the road where Moon lives. But where he lives is there his life? If heart is life, the love. The first two lines of the poem “Funeral Blues” by W.H. Auden is knocking at the brain cell of him. He is ruminating over his University Life and promptly gone to those memories. He thought how events turned into memories and it creates imagination. Really, those real events are only memories now, and nothing else. He himself subconsciously cited those two lines.
“Stop all the clock, cut off the telephone
Prevent the dogs from barking with a juicy bone”
What a strange play plays the memory into the deepest part of the human mind. But when we are far away from our memory is it only a fresh reflection of imagination? Lissom imaginations are not fictions, what is his mind integrated with imagination? But how is it possible? Once Shakespeare said, “The Lunatic, the love, and the poet of Imagination all compact.” Imagination is a contagious disease and can’t be acquired once for al because events are distinct, infinitive, and ……imaginative life is a way of living, is not an article of criticism.
The driver has not come today, he heard from his mother, so he had to go office by driving the car own in the morning. If the driver was present then his horizon of imagination could be clearer, it would be easily caught in his mind’s eye. Perhaps it would be as clear as the glass after being splashed by rainwater. A long deep breadth has emerged out, Merging his feelings and fatigue.
Time of night is running out, silence of night is being more silent keeping pace with the time. Perhaps, elite places are a bit more silent than others. Though on the way, he has seen other places are still awake but he can’t think about his living area. Can’t he think at all or is he reluctant? He can’t be called a time server but it is also not as clear as the blue sky abstain from the urbanization’s dark smoke that whether he is a whole hearted husband or not. On the whole way, his car was running wing and wing before the wind. Arriving very near to the house his eyes were caught to his bed room’s window on which he looks at.
He sees his wife is standing in seclusion. He sees at her physical existence but not the inner portion of her sleek brown mysterious body. Her lips are roused and her body is covered with a negligee but its spiral alluring shape is transparent to his eyes. Moon recites, in his mind these lines to see her,
I wanted to sell my soul to you
But you don’t like it
You like body and I like soul
You are my wife!
Alas! My dream is dull
I wanted to sell my soul to you, at last;
But you don’t buy it;
You prefer purchasing physique….
It is the fifth week of his secular life. He is still unable to invent his wife because going to invent her; he has invented a proud mind of extrinsic bugant beauty. Hena, his wife is standing, holding the window-blind, though the reflection of white tube light above the window a red shine is emitting from her reddish nail polish. Seeing the car, Hena wrested the window-blind and went to the balcony. She stood there, pulling her wrist on its off-white colored railing. The railing has grown up in a zigzag shape from the bottom of the edge of the balcony. The shape of the railing is as enigmatic as her attitude in the stifling moment of the bed. Her departure could not make understood her husband that they are at all fastening with the manacles of happy bond or not. Shakespeare told in his “As you like it” that Marriage is a happy bond which keeps husband and wife together in only two places the dinner table and the bed. So … Moon is thinking that how accurate Shakespeare was! Now as a husband he is unable to understand this married microcosm. But why? From Shakespeare he can infer its consequences. It seems to him now like playing a part. He is feeling, if he could rejuvenate him then it could be much more successful. Is he not successful in this way, the very personal sphere of a man’s life? Can he realize her when reality is too real to be realized? Now, he can see the faded real life and the real world. Which gives him much pain, as the reality is painful and no chance is here to see it through a sunglass. Days, one after another comes and goes are the same…no difference. Each and every indifferent days of his conjugal life makes him bored. Now he is in the bed-room, thinking the endless thought of his every day life. The rocking chair is rocking with his body, eyes are closed but he is seeing some pictorial pieces of his married life, hearing the sound of the air-conditioner. Sitting on the chair he started to recall a poem,
You can be squint with one eye holding a rifle
But with one leg you can’t stand well
So it takes two to make quarrel
Married life is better than single life says someone
Though it kills freedom and soul
One kidney does do,
But two ones do better do
Tell don’t like twoness
As the supreme creator is matchless,
What do you believe in?
If you toss a coin, you will get one side
Whether the head or the tail
Though all the coin have two sides,
You have seen the light of the universe alone
And you will pass way alone
Oneness is the first it is the last
As my Lord believe in Oneness
I too believe in
So all regard me as a theist
What my soul believe in;
You never imagine,
So Far I think
Hi, I am Shahabul Haque, I have been writing on Jibhai for about 1 month, this is our site, and I am a part of Jibhai. Thanks